Put an End to Hope

Why can't I understand that the way to get sex from a man is not to dress provocatively and give teasing kisses? If he's tired from work and intent on fixing his computer, he ain't goint to notice my subtle fragrences and extra eye make-up (to mask the dark circles under my dark eyes.) I need to strip to my panties and pretty bra. I need to stand in the center of the room. I need to say, "Me want sex now."

At least I wouldn't get my expectations up and lay all the guilt at his feet when he doesn't get the hints. I feel like we as women are so into scenarios and analyzing the situation from our hair, to the cock of our head to the cellulite on our asses to that weird hair that grows out of our chins that we forget we're the only one noticing that stuff. I cause my own depression.

This is my typical stance on the world of Hope. I think Hope is a cruel thing. I know everyone else in the world is a big supporter of Hope. But let's add to the above example. I want to go somewhere with my boyfriend. I plan out all day what I want to do and I hope he wants to go. I hope and I hope and I hope but I never ask him until he calls around 7pm. Guess what? He doesn't want to go and now I'm crushed. I'm angry with him. He's ruined all my hopes for fun tonight. Didn't he? No, he didn't do anything wrong. Sure it would have been nice if he had said yes but I gave him two minutes to decide. He probably needed time to psyche himself up for going out. I didn't give it to him. I just planned and hoped and got crushed. Now I'm hurt and angry and he's confused.

This happens a lot.

I hope he likes things. He doesn't. I resent him for it. But that's more about me then hope so let's leave the man that loves me dearly alone and go on to another example. Something that's clearer, more refined...

And you don't have to agree with me. But I might have lyme disease. (See how this is all about me? Maybe next column we talk about my self absorbtion.) Anyway, no ise worrying right? Hope for the best right? I don't know. I was possitive I didn't have it. My tests came back "questionably possitive" and I have no idea what that means. Hope was crushed that this was just some viral thing. I was so depressed. Now when I talked it over with my boyfriend, I actually felt better when I took the stance of, 'I have it and I'm going to deal with it.' He looks worried all the time and he took the stance of, 'I hope she doesn't have it.'

Is hope another word for "worry"? Worry with a happy spin?

Does this make any sense to anyone at all? When I accept the worst I feel relaxed. I go into a kind of zen 'if it is this way, I will deal.' I let go of hope and worry and I just be. Maybe they're two halves of the same outdated coin. Maybe we shouldn't have hope or worry. Just a zen like state of minute to minute.

I'm going to buy my boyfriend a CD. He desserves it for putting up with me and all my mental qualities. Oh, and nope, I'm not going to hope he likes it.